So it’s been a while… I personally have been a mess.
And you know what? Its actually a good thing I can admit that. Prior to my work in therapy I have found that I would hide it all the time. As if I would be a burden on anyone who found out about my personal struggle. I felt in the past that if I admitted it it would get worse, or others would look differently at me or treat me different as if I would explode at any moment. But I’ve learned as I have grown that its okay to admit it, and maybe “get a little worse” once its out of my mouth. I am not a burden I am a person, who does need a bit of a change in treatment. That overwhelming and overpowering feeling of being a mess is a signal something is wrong. I had to make a change and that needed to be realized and released from my body, or I would continue to drown. I needed a break from working almost 24/7, I needed an emotional recharging just as much as a physical one.
I am looking at a lot of changes in my life and that will trigger any person. Now add that to a person who has Anxiety, Depression, as well as PTSD and Psychosis that will equal a whole lot of trouble. I felt like I hit a wall everywhere I turned. This is a feeling I believe I do not stand alone in. I had help from loved ones but it wasn’t exactly the right type of help. It was overly aggressive to my sensitive psyche, and not very comforting to how I was feeling.
Many people I know have had this same feeling to caring loved ones trying to help that just affect them in the opposing way. Its not so much a lack of independence, or understanding, its that your trust in their words has been wavered for the time being. It is okay to feel that way and allow your small trust circle get a bit smaller. You deserve the support you know you need and if only a few people can give that to you it’s okay. Sometimes you need to hear that: It’s okay, you are doing great, life is not all work and trying, sometimes its just rest and breathing. Money will come in time if thats your worry, friends come and go and you will be okay, loved ones hurt you but you have the power to move forward, no matter the situation it will all be okay. You just have to keep taking steps forward. No issue is too small to be vocalized. Just find your person, that special loved one who helps in every way possible, find your words in your own time, breathe, and let it out. Take those steps small but strong.
Until Next Time,